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?Life is never perfect':

Ripon Commonwealth Press - 3/22/2017

Editor's note: This is part five of a multi-part series on depression, suicide and mental health in youth and how families can address these issues openly and proactively with children.

When Mitchell Eithun graduates this May, he won't feel the same regrets he did last time someone handed him a diploma.

"Something I remember very strongly is standing on stage at high school graduation, thinking, ?I stressed so much about what I was going to do and trying to achieve things,'" the Ripon College senior said. "... I wish I would have focused on getting to know my classmates better ... So much of [what] I did was just not necessary when I could have actually developed more meaningful relationships."

His difficulty in forming relationships in high school exacerbated a likely pre-existing condition: anxiety and, from that, depression.

In bits and pieces, he also discovered mental illnesses plagued several members of his family - while they all tried to maintain an image of stability and normalcy.

With social pressures mounting, a sense of loneliness and alienation pushed Eithun to search for a community, which he found online in Christian chat groups.

But conflicts there only made matters worse.

How far he would have sunk isn't clear, though Eithun believes he would have "drowned."

After some unsuccessful counseling, he finally reversed the downward spiral into an upward trajectory, especially after meeting with his childhood pastor.

A math major who admits he has a bit of an obsessive and perfectionist personality, Eithun now thinks he's on the right track, and at Ripon new-found friendships and interests in music and poetry have expanded his horizons and breathed life into his learning.

He didn't always feel so fortunate as a teenager.

SCHOOL STRESSES

While he's long been interested in music - his mother, Sandra, is an accomplished church music composer - Eithun struggled with the climate surrounding high school band.

In particular, he recalled his band director's attitude adding to the stress of the situation.

Once, in solo ensemble, Eithun didn't have the right music up on his stand.

"What the hell is this?" he remembers the director shouting at him.

Confused, with tears blurring his vision, he fumbled with the falling music sheets as he tried to correct his mistake.

"It was the most awful thing," Eithun said. "And so it was really a love/hate relationship because I loved doing music; I loved being in marching band and in jazz band and things. But it was just rough because my director was not the nicest of people."

These experiences weighed heavily on him as he came to Ripon.

He described how nervous he was to audition and play in the college's jazz and symphonic wind ensembles.

At first, Eithun thought his performance was poor, and he worried he wouldn't be able to connect

depression in youth: blaring A multi-part series trumpets and clarinets beside him - reliving fears from high school that he lacked the ability to make friends.

Pressures again building, a college counselor gently suggested he try medication.

It wasn't the first time he'd heard that.

The pastor of his family's church had spoken to him about the possible benefits.

"[My pastor explained he] had been on medication before and was the first person that's like, ?This is something you really could, or should, consider,'" Eithun said.

Medication, he believed at the time, were for "those" people, the "messed up" people; "I wasn't at the point to realize that was me."

Between the personal story from someone he trusted and the advice of his college counselor, Eithun got a prescription. That didn't work.

So he tried another medication, and then another.

Finally, the chemistry seemed to click, and around his junior year he noticed much improvement.

School relationships strengthened, both with other math majors and within music ensembles.

In fact, Eithun will graduate with a music minor.

The old feelings of being out of place? They're blown away to the tune of a saxophone.

"Now it's so comfortable," he said of participating in the ensembles. "... I never thought in a million years I would join choir, and I did that in the fall."

FAMILY MISFORTUNES

With the worst of his troubles in the rearview mirror, Eithun wishes he could turn around and give his high-school self a few pointers to make for a smoother journey.

Such as being more open to getting help.

"It's really a tricky thing when you're in [a mental health crisis]," he said.

Besides experiencing that himself, he witnessed in his family first-hand the morass of mental health issues and the difficulty of remaining open, despite the best intentions.

The point really hit home one winter break.

Eithun returned that year to find out his father, who suffered from bipolar disorder, had been hospitalized for mental health reasons.

Another family member, he knew, struggled with possible alcoholism.

While he became aware of these issues in high school, Eithun noted he often didn't know what problems his family members were dealing with until after they happened, discovering details later.

"My parents really wanted to protect me," he said, "which I sort of wrestled back and forth with. On one hand, I can really see that [reasoning], because you want your kids to have a good life. On the other hand, there are a lot of details that would have been sort of helpful to know."

Despite wanting to discuss these matters openly with friends and family, and perhaps relieve some of his emotional burden, Eithun knows life isn't always that simple.

"How do you tell your friends, ?My dad is [being] institutionalized for a little while?'" he said.

The day he headed back to Ripon, Eithun's nephew was born in the same hospital his father had been staying at, a joyful and comfortably shared family event book-ending the one rife with worry and uncertainty.

COMMUNITY COMPLICATIONS

Still, he's become much more comfortable discussing his family and himself, including past events that pained him deeply but which he thought no one would ever understand.

As a high schooler, Eithun said he wanted to make friends but didn't know how: Were there others with the same interests? Were there peers he could connect with on a deep level? Were there people he could trust?

Turning to the internet, he believed he found community in a Christian chat board, where people displayed similar tastes and personalities.

"Oh, I can make friends here," he thought.

On the board, they'd talk about books and movies and held elections every few months to determine administrators.

In a strange sort of mirror of the real world, the electoral politics ultimately eroded Eithun's faith in some of his online friends.

Political maneuvering and even a "shadow government" pervaded the actions of those he trusted.

"If I were a better writer, I'd write a book about it some day," Eithun said.

Reflecting that the strife seems "comical" in retrospect, at the time he felt crushed and betrayed by the "sham."

And he had no idea where to turn to process this devastation.

"It was so tough for me to share that because I felt so bogged down by it," he said. "... It seems especially older people [think], ?You have friends on the internet? What's up with that?'"

The more he opened up, however, the more Eithun discovered people - especially peers - who were not only willing to listen but empathized with him.

And, reciprocally, he feels "lucky" he now can empathize with classmates when they share their own struggles, finding he can be a patient listener and a good friend.

His advice to students? Try to take your mind off the stress of school work and enjoy learning for learning's sake.

As he's embraced those principles himself, he's realized he delights in subjects beyond the mathematics he excels at, even (or perhaps especially) when those subjects may present a challenge.

"Life is never perfect, but I feel like I function so much better [than before]," Eithun said.

He cited the small liberal arts environment of Ripon as helping to foster these interests and connections.

"There's a lot of people I never would have met if I had gone to a larger school," he said. "... I do like that aspect of things quite a bit."

Eithun likely will be heading to a larger campus in the fall, as he considers several Ph.D. programs in applied mathematics.

Having built strong relationships at Ripon, he knows he'll miss the college friends and faculty here.

But he thinks he can handle it this time.

"It's a little rough," Eithun said, "but not nearly as rough as I felt four years ago in high school."